Friday, June 25, 2004

Balloonist attacks man whom he believed stole his "hot air..."  

This one weekend some time ago, I went downtown in our little burg (mostly to escape the soul-crushing depression of Old Shanty Town) and, to my shock and delight, there was some sort of "festival" going on. People were engaging in fun (and what appeared to be very gratifying mastication (RIGHT THERE ON THE STREET!) so I joined right in, never one to be a "party pooper."

Everything was cool until someone "pantsed" me. Or de-pantsed me. Either way, there I was, pantsless. Mooning God and Country, butt crack flapping in the wind. I cried out "Why would you do that to me!?" It was then explained to me that my belt broke. thoroughly embarrassed, I pulled my pantalones back up and slinked away.

There're both "bums" AND "squirrels" in Acacia park...Did you know that? They rounded up all the squirrels, char-broiled them and fed them to the bums during the "festival." Everyone was a winner. It made me feel all funny inside.

Anyway, at the corner of Platte and....Somewhere, there was a man offering free balloon rides. Man, I love to float off into space, especially when it's a controlled situation. I ponied up the 5 bucks and took my place in the basket. The line was released and off we floated, into the wild blue yonder.

Ok, so I immediately threw up, but I had 4 TURKEY LEGS and a squirrel prior to flight! They were good! Unfortunately not good coming back up, but you make do. After I hurled, though, I was fine. I sat back to enjoy the ride when I suddenly spied a very odd sight...

Another balloon operator had HIS balloon seemingly on a crash course with OURS. The other operator was swinging his fists and cursing at MY operator, shouting something about "stealing his business." I ducked down into the basket when I witnessed the other balloon pilot whip out a crossbow and begin firing arrows at OUR balloon.

My pilot laughed and told me not to worry, that OUR balloon was reinforced. He then whipped out a throwing star and scored a direct hit, sending his opponent spiraling down to certain doom.

I have never felt closer to death, nor have I witnessed more bizarre operational behavior between two commercial competitors. I have to admit, though, I chose the right pilot that day. He was prepared for ANYTHING...

Man, people suck.

Comments: Post a Comment

<< Home

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?